If I Should Have a Daughter

A TED Talk by Sarah Kay (2011)

I love TED Talks and this one, presented way back in 2011 by word poet Sarah Kay, “If I Should Have a Daughter”, still resonates with me today as it did then. It was so powerful that the talk inspired 2 standing ovations and has been shared more than 15 000 000 times.

What are Ted Talks?

TED is a nonprofit organisation devoted to spreading ideas, usually in the form of short, powerful talks (18 minutes or less). TED began in 1984 as a conference where Technology, Entertainment and Design converged, and today covers almost all topics — from science to business to global issues — in more than 100 languages. Meanwhile, independently run TEDx events help share ideas in communities around the world.

TED.COM

About Sarah Kay

Sarah Kay is a writer, performer and educator from New York City and the author of four books of poetry. These are No Matter the Wreckage, B, The Type, and All Our Wild Wonder. She is also the host of the podcasts SincerelyX for TED. SinverelyX is an audio series which allows the sharing of powerful, risky, painful or controversial ideas and stories anonymously. Stories that must be heard.

She is the founder and co-director of Project VOICE. This organisation uses poetry to entertain, educate and inspire students and teachers worldwide. As Sarah says not everyone owns a camera or can read music but spoken word poetry is accessible to everyone. The power of Sarah’s art form is best described by Sarah herself:

Spoken-word poetry is the art of performance poetry. I tell people it involves creating poetry that doesn’t just want to sit on paper, that something about it demands it be heard out loud or witnessed in person.

If I Should Have a Daughter

If I should have a daughter, instead of “Mom,” she’s going to call me “Point B,” because that way she knows that no matter what happens, at least she can always find her way to me.

These are the opening words from “If I Should Have a Daughter. They were enough to get me hooked. The poem is written and performed by Sarah from a mother’s perspective. She shares what advice she would give her future daughter. This includes how to deal with heartbreak and how to remain vulnerable in a world where you are knocked down as soon as you get up. The trick is getting up again.

Because there’s nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it’s sent away. You will put the wind in win some, lose some. You will put the star in starting over, and over. And no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute, be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life.

Seeing the beauty in life

See the beauty in life and in the world no matter how many hard knocks come your way you get up and keep going. Most of all this poem encapsulates everything we wish and want for our daughters in a beautiful rhythmic, lyrical way:

Remember that good things come in threes and so do bad things. Always apologize when you’ve done something wrong, but don’t you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining. Your voice is small, but don’t ever stop singing. And when they finally hand you heartache,when they slip war and hatred under your door and offer you handouts on street-corners of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother.

Sarah goes on, after finishing her poem, to share her passion for poetry and its relevance to life. She shares her passion for spoken word poetry especially where poetry and theatre come together. In as much as this is a talk about motherhood it is also about how to live your passion.

Sarah’s Journey

Sarah divides her journey into three steps:

• Step one was the moment I said, “I can. I can do this.”

• Step two was the moment I said, “I will. I will continue. I love spoken word. I will keep coming back week after week.” 

• Step three is about infusing the work you’re doing with the specific things that make you you, even while those things are always changing. Because step three never ends. But you don’t get to start on step three, until you take step one first: “I can.”

Although her point of reference is spoken word poetry Sarah’s talk is as much about life as anything else. As many times as I listen to this talk I always find new nuggets to take away. We don’t all have the gift of being able to share our feelings as well as Sarah does but but she is saying so much of what is in my heart. This is why I wanted to share this talk with you. Let her infectious enthusiasm for life and her passion fill you and give you hope.

I have created a beautiful printable of the poem “B”/ If I Should Have a Daughter by Sarah Kay. Hop across to this post on my website to download it: If I Should Have a Daughter Free Printable

If this talk has touched you in some way or you are hearing it for the first time please let me know what it means to you.